Recently, we sent out survey questions to our readers about how parents deal with the anxiety many 2e kids feel these days. We’ll examine the results in the next issue of
Variations2e magazine. But we thought to give you a preview now as the school year in most places begins again. We received dozens of responses from as far away as Norway, Australia, Canada, as well as all over the United States.
What Do Kids Worry About
According to our respondents, many kids, like most adults, worry about pandemics, the war in Ukraine, and climate change. More than many adults, kids are also almost constantly attached to social media where, their parents say, there is no escape from a barrage of information. This is on top of the blue-chip teen anxieties about bodily changes, peer pressure, their future, and the inability of adults to act as good stewards for the future.
Parents are concerned about communication with their children. Sometimes, students will talk openly about what’s on their minds, but, as most parents know, many times they don’t. Anxiety, parents report, might present itself as depression or detachment from school and family life. Some teenagers might have trouble sleeping or might act out in reckless behavior.
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“My kids have layers of anxieties that have built upon each other over the years.”[/perfectpullquote]
One parent from Virginia wrote, “My kids have layers of anxieties that have built upon each other over the years. In addition to normal adolescent struggles, my kids have manifested school phobia, lack of motivation, and difficulty planning for the future. Some of this seems to be in response to their profound disappointment in adults in leadership roles: at the school, the health department, other parents, and the government.”
The “inflexibility of public schools” particularly impacts 2e kids. After a local school denied her son “access to services, accommodations, and education,” a Northern California mom told us her child felt “isolated from his peer group, shamed, and it set him back years from the rest of his class.”
Loneliness and feelings of alienation may come with the teen territory, but Covid made it a perfect storm. An Australian mother wrote that her 11-year-old daughter fears “the incapability of humans to go through communal trauma, such as Covid 19, and to rebuild both our communities and our mental states.” Humans, her daughter believes, are “trapped in a cycle of depression and isolation after being cut off from the outside world during the lockdown.”
Another mother from California said, “My son is scared about the future of the planet, and he feels angry that people are not doing enough to help each other.”
A family in Virginia avoids talk of the future altogether, dialing back their focus to the next 24 hours. Beyond that, one father admits, “we don’t like to make plans.”
What To Do About It
Unfortunately, these problems—and the perceptions of them—don’t go away with a lot of wishful thinking. What can be done to give highly intelligent and often pessimistic kids some sense of a future? The quick answer: parents need to talk to their children and to each other.
The consensus is that the second most important thing parents can do is rely on each other in forming or participating in 2e groups. “The collective wisdom and compassion of our 2e group is astounding,” said a mother in Virginia, “I think parents in every school system, large and small, should create this kind of support.”
It would probably lessen anxiety if parents could limit the amount of time kids spend on social media, as many experts advise, but as anyone who’s actually encountered a teenager could tell you, that’s not so easy.
There are, however, many coping techniques for stress that might entice a teen away from their screens for a little while. These include mindful mediation, yoga or some sort of physical practice, art, music, talent development, and engaging with friends. Though all of these measures can work, they do not necessarily “solve” anything.
It is important to note that if a young person is experiencing signs of depression or anxiety, it might be best to see a mental health care professional.
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“Simply listen carefully to your child’s concerns, ask them questions, let them know they are loved deeply.”[/perfectpullquote]
According to many experts, especially the parents we spoke to, the single most important thing parents can do for their anxious children is to listen to them—without presenting Pollyanna solutions to unsolvable problems. A consensus of parents suggest that, in lieu of trying to solve the daunting issues that plague the world, or the more personal troubles a child may be experiencing, the key is “to simply listen carefully to your child’s concerns, ask them questions, let them know they are loved deeply, and that you have faith in them.”
Of course, timing is everything, and the window of opportunity to have these conversations with a teenager may be limited. Many parents find that a good time to talk is in the car coming or going to school or an after-school activity. The key is to get them started—when they’re ready—to talk by using a passive and provocative prompt, not a direct question. Instead of asking, “What do you think about global warming?” you might say, “I wonder what innovative inventions will come as a reaction to climate change.”
Don’t be discouraged if your child doesn’t respond at that time. It might take ten prompts or more before they’re ready to get into it. Be patient, be confident, be attentive, be there for them—let them talk it out when they’re ready.
It may seem that there isn’t much we can say or do to counteract all the negative news in the air, whether regarding the environment or politics, diseases or wars, but, as one mother wrote, “I think it’s really about meeting my son where he is, not expecting him to cheer up if he’s feeling down, talking it out, and hopefully, if I get it right, helping him see that the power of change begins right inside our own hearts and minds.”
For more on this and other topics about parenting 2e kids, check out the spring 2023 issue of
Variations2e.
