Samantha Abeel begins her memoir, My Thirteenth Winter, by revealing that at age 25, she could not tell time and struggled with counting money, following directions, and understanding distances.
Abeel describes her early school experience as increasingly excruciating years of feeling she was different, of not being able to do what her classmates could do, and of retreating into self-imposed social isolation. However, in sixth grade, under the careful guidance of a thoughtful teacher, Abeel discovered her love of writing. This made all the difference. Writing flowed through her as she began to understand that the ideas would come when she focused less on the details of spelling and grammar and allowed the process to unfold.
Despite her newfound outlet, Abeel continued to experience tremendous anxiety and panic attacks, especially as she transitioned to middle school. It is during this tumultuous period, plagued by ever increasing somatic and mental health challenges, that she finally learned what was at the root of her academic struggles. She had dyscalculia, a learning disability that makes it difficult to understand math concepts. It can also affect the individual’s sequencing whether with numbers, letters, instructions, or otherwise.
Some relief came from having an explanation; yet the question of what to do remained. She was not failing academically, so the school resisted providing services; however, Abeel’s mother persisted and fought for the Individualized Education Plan (IEP) that would support her placement in special education math class and provide much needed relief from her constant anxiety and panic attacks.
Toward the end of eighth grade, Abeel became a published author when her poems were paired with the watercolor paintings of her mother’s friend in What Once Was White. During one high school summer, Abeel was sent on a multi-city tour, giving book talks and interviews. She began to understand the impact her book had on others, as attendees described how they or someone they knew was just like her and how her book had given them hope.
After struggling through high school, Abeel arrived at college, excited to attend Mount Holyoke and the wealth of possibilities that lay ahead. However, her crippling anxiety and panic attacks returned. Her self-imposed social isolation was as prominent as ever. Toward the end of her grueling freshman year, Abeel began to acknowledge that she had been pretending not to have a learning disability while trying to keep pace with her peers, something that was no longer tenable.
During the summer before sophomore year, the panic attacks began to diminish after she landed a job as an art instructor for a summer camp and also participated in an educational conference at Stanford University. These experiences boosted her confidence in feeling competent and helped Abeel to find herself again.
Returning to college revived and determined to approach her academics differently, Abeel advocated for herself: she needed a proofreader, she needed to take three classes instead of four. Using a planner to manage her time and track assignments became a crucial tool in providing a sense of relief so she could finally see where she had blocks of free time to relax and not feel as overwhelmed.
Throughout Abeel’s story, we peer into the mind of a bright, creative young woman who struggles with her own identity. She feels her creativity and her bright mind while, at the same time, dealing with her limitations at demonstrating what she knows. Rampant anxiety and panic attacks permeate her life. Feelings of inadequacy and confusion are the norm. Locked in the cycle between identifying as a gifted writer and a failed math student, Abeel lives the twice exceptional life. Though her life starts to improve when she learns to advocate for the support she needs, she realizes that depression has likely been present her whole life as well, perhaps as a result of not fitting in and feelings of inadequacy linked to her learning disability.
This touching account of one woman’s life journey as a gifted student with a learning disability includes details of her academic struggles and glances into her innermost thoughts, feelings, and ideas, including musings about why seemingly “normal” tasks are so difficult for her.
2e students, as well as their parents and caregivers, will appreciate this compelling and thought-provoking book for its practical tips for advocacy, but especially for its glimpses into the mind of a someone who grapples with a twice exceptional identity.
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Marcie Habell is an educational therapist in private practice in Southern California. She provides relationship based, individualized intervention and support for 2e children.
