Living With Intensity

Being a teenager can be hell. Raising a teenager can be a special kind of hell. Add any of the spectrum traits to that experience and we’re in a circle of the Inferno that even Dante wouldn’t enter. Educators spend a lot of time on the intellectual and social development of twice-exceptional kids. But the emotional component can often dominate the maturation process. An inspiring lesson on quadratic equations, will do little good if the student is under the desk in emotional distress. Sometimes, it’s almost impossible to reach students in that condition, whether you are the teacher, the parent, or a counselor. Emotions are tricky. The emotional sensitivities experienced by 2e children as they absorb the world around them is especially treacherous because these kids receive all information—facts that would stump Jeopardy winners and feelings that would behead the Queen of Hearts—more rapidly and intensely than other children. Among the best resources for anyone forced to tiptoe through that emotional minefield is the book Living with Intensity: Understanding the Sensitivity, Excitability, and the Emotional Development of Gifted Children, Adolescents, and Adults, edited by Susan Daniels and Michael M. Piechowski. Daniels and Piechowski address the misperceptions that 2e children experience as they stand out from the norm.

Some Misperceptions Adults Often Have About the Emotional Life of 2e Children:

• • • High energy is hyperactivity
    • Persistence is stubbornness
    • Questioning is undermining authority
    • Imagining is inattention
    • Passion is being disruptive
    • Sensitivity is immaturity
    • Creativity is oppositional

Given these common misperceptions by others, a gifted child exhibiting extreme reactions or emotions can be labeled as having inappropriate and disruptive behavior that needs to be changed. But navigating life with these intensities and sensitivities can be advantageous. Daniels and Piechowski emphasize the importance of understanding the intricacies that accompany a gifted brain. The book contains over a dozen articles on the nuances of dealing with high emotions, from how to nurture extreme sensitivities (to use that power for good) to the dangers of misdiagnoses. The articles examine the issue clinically, historically, pedagogically, spiritually, and practically. Most important to parents and teachers, the editors provide recommendations on how to support gifted children appropriately so that they can learn to live with these intensities within a world where the majority of neurotypicals are not experiencing life as vividly. Just as we see asynchronous development of a child’s intellectual center, emotions can also mature at different rates for different people. The book incorporates strategies on how to nurture and support those differences and the specific types of sensitivities that 2e individuals experience because of their greater capacity to be stimulated by both internal and external stimuli. Several chapters clarify Kazimierz Dabrowski’s theory on positive disintegration. Dabrowski was a Polish psychiatrist in the 20^th century. He studied the relationship between giftedness and what he called “overexcitability.” His Theory of Positive Disintegration (TBD) posits that difficult experiences can be just as nourishing to the developing personality as more obviously constructive experiences. He had gone through some difficulties himself, including being held prisoner by the Nazis during World War II and then by the Soviets after the war. He believed that rather than treating anxiety as pathological, it can be transformational and lead to a more fully realized life. Just as talent can be a gift, so can this heightened sense of emotionality. The authors share how emotions can “permeate” a gifted individual’s existence and deepen their perspective. Overexcitability in the 2e profile has been explained as someone who experiences a response that is more intensified and lasts longer than a neurotypical response to stimuli. In Dabrowski’s theory, there are five forms of excitability: psychomotor, sensual, intellectual, imaginational, and emotional. As a result of these overexcitabilities, gifted children tend to have a richer sensory experience than typical children. While overexcitabilities bring a deeper experience to a gifted individual, for those around them it can be quite a challenge. Often, it’s hard to know how to respond.  Without appropriate support, gifted children can become frustrated because other people around them are frustrated as they try to navigate the world with this enhanced level of overstimulation. [perfectpullquote align=”right” bordertop=”false” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]From Living With Intensity: “Gifted children take in information from the world around them; they react and respond more quickly and intensely than other children. They are stimulated both by what’s going on around them and by what moves them from within.”[/perfectpullquote] There is a need for more specific and deliberate guidance around understanding the intense emotions that many 2e children experience. It’s not a matter of merely coping with the challenges, but in finding ways to lean into and develop this raw emotional material that will ultimately enhance the lives of the gifted individual and those around them. In that sense, the ideas explained within this book turn assumptions upside down and reveal enormous potential within the most hellish of circumstances. Awareness is the first step to understanding, and understanding is the first step to acceptance, and acceptance is the first step to a more fully realized life. Instead of seeing emotional outbursts as challenges that need to be changed, we can better support gifted children by learning how to harness that intensity and use it to thrive.

Identifying The Five Types of Overexcitabilities