Helping 2e Students Cope with and Confront Bigotry (Part II)

This is the second part of a two-part story. Read Part 1 here.

Deepening Our Understanding: Why Gifted/2e Students Are Targeted by Bullies and the Impact

In Part 1 of this piece, a woman named Carol shared her story of her son, Micah, being bullied. Before we begin to answer Carol’s question, “What else can we do?,” it’s important to take a look at a few statistics to understand the extent of the problem and look at a few of the reasons why our gifted/2e students often become targets of bullies and experience a range of abuse — including emotional, verbal, and relational abuse and physical abuse/violence. According to the PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center, “more than one out of every five (20.8 percent) students report being bullied” and “43 percent of bullied students report notifying an adult at school about the incident” (PACER, 2019, citing National Center for Educational Statistics, 2016). In addition, 33.9 percent of students with autism … face high rates of bullying victimization (PACER, 2019, citing Rose et al, 2012). Dan Peters, licensed psychologist and cofounder and clinical director of the Summit Center, offered these reasons why our gifted/2e students are bullied:

• Gifted children often act different from the norm
• They often don’t want to “play the game” related to social hierarchies and peer acceptance and … don’t know how to play this game even if they wanted to
• The higher the intelligence a child possesses, the more different the child is from everyone else … and the more vulnerable they are to being bullied

In addition, Peters had this to say about the impact of bullying on our gifted/2e students: “The higher the IQ, the more intense (even if it is a quiet intensity) and sensitive they are to their own experiences and to the behavior and feelings of others “ (Peters, 2012). He goes on to say that, “Being picked on, demeaned, and embarrassed negatively affects a child’s self-perception and self-worth, and erodes self-confidence in one’s abilities. … Being physically bullied negatively impacts a child’s sense of personal safety in the world and in relationships. How can one feel safe if one is worried about being humiliated, pushed, punched or slammed into a locker?” As a result of bullying, Peters states that children may experience underachievement, anxiety, depression, PTSD and “often turn inward, isolate or shut down. They may exhibit more emotional meltdowns, or apathy and emotional numbing. … Nightmares and other sleep disturbances often occur as well.”

Seeing the Connection between Bullying and Gun Violence in Our Schools

According to K. Guilbault, author of the article “Bullying and Gifted Learners,” bullying is a “dangerous form of peer abuse that has severe consequences for everyone involved. … As a result of school shootings in high school and university campuses across the nation, some states have enacted legislation to address bullying in schools. A report by the United States Secret Service and the United States Department of Education (2002) stated that three quarters of all school shootings were related to bullying. School shooters reported they were tormented, suffered from long-term peer abuse, and were injured by classmates prior to their retaliation.” (Guilbault, 2008). This connection between bullying and gun violence in our schools is definitely a factor that all schools and all parents need to address to help keep all of our children safe from the statistically rare chance that a school shooter will actually target their child’s school.

Taking Action to Confront Bullying in Our Schools and Our Homes

So, to answer Carol’s question, “What else can we do?,” Peters offers this advice to parents:

• Recognize when your child is acting differently than usual
• Continue to investigate what is happening even if others tell you everything is fine
• Listen to your child and validate his experience to show that you see them and that they matter
• Let your child know you love them just the way they are and see them as person with strengths
• Let teachers know something is, or might be, happening at school
• Talk with the school counselor to allow more eyes to be on your child
• If your child is showing signs of depression or anxiety … promptly seek professional help

And here is Peters’ advice for teachers:

• Be aware that bullying is common and gifted students are susceptible as a result of their unique characteristics
• Set a classroom expectation of respect for all students
• Make it clear that bullying is not tolerated
• Incorporate discussions about bullying into your curriculum
• Watch for subtle bullying behavior — teasing and ostracizing
• Work with counselors and support students who are targeted

Finally, here is Peters’ advice to students:

• Tell someone what is happening even if you think that telling won’t help
• Tell your parents, your teacher, and the school counselor
• Walk away from or avoid those who bully and stay near a friend
• Try not to show any reaction when bullied
• Spend time with people you trust to develop your strength (to be resilient in the face of bullying)
• Remember your goodness, talents/strengths, and potential

Dan Peters’ advice can be useful to each of us, including Micah’s mom, Carol. As parents and educators, we all share a common interest in creating emotionally and physically safe learning environments in our classrooms, our homes, and in our communities.

Summary: Writing a New Song

I have long been aware of how fortunate I was to grow up in a home filled with unconditional love from both of my parents. From their open hearts and open minds, and wonderful times with our good friends of a different faith, I learned my first lessons about empathy, compassion, and courage. And as a result of my extended family relatives, who allowed me a platform to debate and fervently share my deeply held convictions — and thanks to the song  “You’ve Got to Be Carefully Taught” — I learned to become a passionate advocate for justice and equal treatment for all people. So that is why, in today’s divided world, where for the past three years white supremacist groups and neo-Nazi groups have grown by 22 percent, I am grateful that there is a call from moral leaders everywhere for each of us to condemn bigotry, racism, hate, bullying, and violence whenever we see it. [perfectpullquote align=”left” bordertop=”false” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]This connection between bullying and gun violence in our schools is definitely a factor that all schools and all parents need to address to help keep all of our children safe.[/perfectpullquote] The time is now for all of us as parents, educators, and caregivers to search our hearts to find our voice. With so much research available that confirms the continued damaging and destructive impact of the messages and violence from hate groups on our society and on all of our gifted children, it is important to know that we can make a difference. All we need to do is to stand up, speak up, and take positive action. We can leverage the power message of the song “You’ve Got to Be Carefully Taught” to write a new song and explicitly teach our gifted children that everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Writing this song will require each of us reflecting on what we say and do each day and on the openness of our own hearts and minds to the differences in people everywhere. Teaching our children that we can take action to confront hate will give our children a sense of hope that this world can become an emotionally and physically safe place for everyone. This need to create these emotionally and physically safe learning environments for our gifted/2e children like Micah makes it necessary for us to become aware of the reasons our gifted/2e children are targeted by bullies. Equally important is developing an understanding of the long-lasting impact that bullying has on everyone involved. Just like those attacked by hate groups for “their immutable characteristics,” our gifted children are targeted by bullies for simply being their very different and unique selves. Sadly, as the research has shown, a very small number of our gifted children have even turned their torment, their injuries, and long-term peer abuse into acts of gun violence against their peers, or, years later, against the students and the teachers in the schools where they experienced the bullying. However, there are some simple but effective steps for parents, educators, and students that will make a difference in confronting bullying and violence. These steps include listening to and loving our children, teaching and modeling the importance of respecting everyone, not tolerating bullying but holding discussions about bullying and its impact, and speaking up and telling trusted adults whenever experiencing or witnessing bullying. All of these steps represent positive action that helps us to support our children and take steps to stop bullying before it leads to a more tragic level of violence. I am hoping that the new song we write will help create a sense of awareness and understanding of the importance of being a welcoming and inclusive society. We cannot afford to ignore the impact divisive rhetoric and hate groups on our gifted children, just as we can’t ignore the realities of bullying and violence many of our gifted students face at school and at home. Carol, Micah’s mom, sums it all up with these words: “If today’s schools are to be truly inclusive, they must separate rhetoric from reality and take a closer look at the inner lives of kids, because that is what they are made of and what they will spread into the world when they are all grown up.”