I often keep myself up at night with swirling thoughts about what the transition to adulthood will look like for my children. I’m a devoted mom of three bright, neurodiverse kiddos, and my oldest son is twice exceptional, on the cusp of the awesome challenge of going from adolescence to adulthood. Ultimately, I end up feeling overwhelmed trying to figure out how to begin to help him.
Some of my interminable thoughts include, “My child is academically advanced, but will he be able to handle the responsibility of living independently on a college campus? Will he find a social niche of supportive peers and even professors who understand him? Will I need to call and check in everyday? How much responsibility can he handle all at once without being completely left out on a limb of pure anxiety?”
On the surface, some neurodiverse children may look as if they can handle the transition to adulthood, but on the inside, they are experiencing a tremendous amount of shock to their system. This shock can lead to an overwhelming “all systems meltdown” in overall functioning. What good are those talents and intellectual strengths when the child’s whole system goes down? How can we, as parents, protect our kids from this occurrence? The transition to young adulthood can be overwhelming for neurotypical-minded students who don’t have a daily struggle with sensory challenges, executive functioning skills, social/emotional differences, among others. Imagine the hundreds of extra hurdles it takes for 2e adolescents during major life transitions. We wish for our baby birds to fly the nest someday with all of our parental love and support, but it can be a colossal-sized challenge for adolescents with autism or other neuro-diversities to make this transition go smoothly. It is also quite the challenge for parents and that’s where support and guidance is crucial for us as well.
Dr. Thomas W. Welch’s book,
The Breakaway; A Parent’s Guide to Transitioning the Autistic and Twice Exceptional Adolescent into Young Adulthood, is a great tool for any parent who has questioned how they will lovingly prepare their 2e child to be ready for adulthood. It has made me feel less alone in the process and encourages me to believe that independence can and will come to fruition with the right approaches and patience.
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“We need to be their non-threatening resource they can rely on, not judging or pushing, just helping.”[/perfectpullquote]
Welch is a child and family clinical psychologist in private practice, a field instructor at the University of Denver’s Graduate School of Professional Psychology, and a leading expert in the field of autistic/neurodiverse children and their families. He also runs Humanex Academy in Englewood, CO, a middle and high school that supports the development and growth of its mostly neurodiverse student body. From his wealth of experience, Welch, in his book, has created a resource for parents that provides empathy, support, and offers tangible ways to make the transition from adolescence to adulthood as smooth as possible, while considering the emotions of both parties involved.
The Breakaway acknowledges that “each of our students has their own specific set of goals and stumbling blocks—a stubborn individuality that resists a One-Size-Fits-All solution.” There can be resistance and challenge when convincing our kids to see beyond their clinical diagnosis to the whole picture of their lives. Partly, that means helping them to take pride in who they are and who they are becoming, and not to compare themselves to others. Dr. Welch does a superb job explaining to parents what is needed by their neurodiverse children during the transition to greater responsibility. Scenarios are provided throughout his book to teach how to go about situations in an organized way.
The first chapter teaches parents to evaluate the status of their child’s
Readiness for Change. Welch explains that young adults need to be an active part of the decision-making process in a way that supports their identity. Parents are advised to let go of their rigid, projected time-tables and rather focus on a one-growth-success-at-a-time approach. Welch breaks down the 2e scenario of parenting into five stages with strategies to validate, explain, encourage, and assist adolescents to better transition through change.
“It begins,” he writes, “with asking for their active participation from the start. . .. Slowing down, connecting to understand, dropping assumptions, refraining from dictating, responding to what they say, not what you want to hear or what you ‘know’ needs to happen next. . .. We need to be their non-threatening resource they can rely on, not judging or pushing, just helping.”
Other chapters visit the topics of
Expectations,
Feedback,
Identity Development,
Accountability,
Resilience, and
Commitment, ending with reflection questions for parents to apply their own situation to the content discussed. Also, exercises to practice are provided as well as a space for parents to write in their own personal notes and answers inside the book. Examples of questions include: “In what stage do you place your own readiness for the change to come?” “Describe what role each member currently has within your family. How might this need to change with this impending transition?” “What in this chapter did you find most challenging, and possibly, most difficult to implement?” “What level of awareness does your young adult have about their need for support and coaching?” As you can see, Welch guides his readers with pertinent information and then encourages parents to visit and evaluate their personal perspectives as well as the differing perspectives of their child and other family members, encouraging growth for all. I found myself relating to the case studies in each chapter. In addition, a large action plan simulation at the end of the book serves as a guide for combining the book’s lessons into one well-rounded plan. It’s a great model for parents to refer to when creating their own unique plan of action for their 2e child.
Throughout the book, Welch calls the neurodiverse child, who is transitioning to young adulthood, a “Breakaway.” As parents, we need to “break away” from the fear of the unknown and combine expectations with our capacity for understanding, patience, and of course, love for our children. The goal is always to bring out the fullest potential in our children.
“To become anything,” writes Welch, “we first need to imagine it. To see it in our mind. To believe. This is what Breakaways need most and what we must steer them towards…the power to imagine a full life. It may demand more work and time, but the challenges posed by an autism or 2e diagnosis should not restrict or place any chains on their dreams. This transition, however scary, is the start of realizing those dreams”
